Let's learn more about... the need for approval & how to handle it

The need for approval is a FALSE BELIEF that says: "You must have love and apporval from each & everyone in your life" 

 If you have this belief, you often feel a very strong insecurity about what you do, wear, say in relation to what others might think about it.  You NEED the feedback of others to be secure enough to know if what you do is good or bad. These people are very insecure, try to do everything right all the time, do everything to please others, Have a keen sense of obligation and act on this sense in all aspects of their life, Suffer from "paralysis of analysis'' and fret so much over what the possible consequences of a decision will be that they barely make decisions or take “stands”.

Now as every mental dis-Ease it appears to different degrees. I myself have no problem with making a point & standing in for my beliefs but suffer from “paralysis of analysis” and the need of feedback. I won’t judge any of you because I know myself so much how helpless you feel when you are in the middle of than swirl of anxiety, thoughts & fears. But there is a way to overcome this because as every mental dis-Ease this one also has it’s roots. So the first step is to make a journey back. People who need to approve often have a Low self-esteem due to: (1) lack of positive feedback as a child, (2) lack of sense of worth due to no reinforcement as a child, (3) sense of rejection and emotional abandonment as a child. They felt they were "misfits'' as children, "different,'' not in the "social swing'' of things.

Step 1: Identify and refute the irrational belief that the approval of others is necessary in order for you to feel good about yourself.

Step 2: Identify your fear of: rejection, neglect, abandonment, disapproval, and look for the origins of these fears. Identify rational means to desensitize yourself to these fears.

Step 3: Develop an inventory of the positive attributes you possess. Ask others to assist you in making the list all-inclusive.

Step 4: Develop a list of positive affirmation self-talk scripts you can use to affirm yourself on a regular basis.

Step 5: Reflect on your feelings about conflict events. Do not avoid conflict situations, but use positive assertiveness to maintain your position and protect your rights. Emphasize how you feel about the issue by using "I'' statements.

Step 6: Answer the question: What do I gain if I am agreeable and pleasing to everyone in my life and never take a "stand'' on how I really feel about things?

Step 7: Develop a list of issues important in your life, those you never let others know about for fear of their reaction to them. Develop a plan of action by which you systematically let others know your beliefs concerning these issues.

Step 8: If you find you are still working out of a need for approval, return to Step 1 and begin again.

(Source: www.livestrong.com)

If you manage to let go the NEED you will feel free & things will come to you easily, so just stop trying so hard & relax :)