9# Life's little instructions - Communicate

A lack of communication leads to misconceptions. Especially when people talk behind other peoples backs. Not always in a mean way, but they discuss things. Now this is a really important topic because most of the time we believe we know something, but don't. Instead of asking the person we tend to communicate behind their backs. There are different reasons why we do this, and all of us do. There is none of you & me neither who haven't talked behind a persons back. The problem with this is, that we build up beliefs about a person & recreate the picture we have of them. The bestfriend becomes a "backstabber". The partner becomes "Impossible to live with". And so on. But how do we stop ourselves from doing this?

Communicate! It is that simple!

Now there are many excuses to NOT communicate. We don't want to hurt people or are afraid to get hurt, others are to proud to tell the other person they are mad at. We wouldn't just walk up the person who made a mistake, THEY have to see it. It's theri mistake right? But how is the person supposed to know when nobody tells them? But not in a mean way, but in a very factual kind way. Advise your friend like if you weren't hurt. Unfortunately the most bottle up until they finally snap. Instead of walking just up to the other person and talking to them as unemotionally as possible. Now here are some tips on successful communication:

• Don't freak out - try to be as factual as possible
• Try to see the other persons point of view
• Don't blame anybody, think before you speak
• Ask rather than assuming
• Stay calm & respectful
• Listen attentively
• keep focused on your point, don't give in unless you are totally convinced differently, people tend to lure you into their beliefs
• Accept other opinions
• Keep the overview over the subject & work your way into a positive relaxed atmosphere of  honest communication

Of course not everyone will be ready to communicate with you on this level. But keep calm, don't freak out with them, listen & try to be as friendly as possible. But let them know what you think and feel. If you truly want a solution never shout or blame. People will react on you as you talk to them. You wouldn't be nice and calm to someone who suddenly freaks out on you would you? It needs a bit of training but can be really successful. Peace, an understanding attitude & Wisdom are always more successful than any shouting, ranting or rumor in the world. :)